I got Deegan just a few weeks after I moved out of my parent's house. He was by my side for everything and truly was one of the loves of my life. Some days I felt like he was the only one who really understood me.

I was never afraid or embarrassed in his company. Since he passed away, I've realized how hard it is for me to cry in front of people. For the last 13 years, it was him I cried on when motherhood got me down, what I kissed Anthony goodbye for weeks at a time when I was up all night pregnant, worrying, and uncomfortable. He took a piece of my heart with him to Heaven that will never be filled. Looking back, I am very thankful for the way he passed. At the time, the loss was so heavy it was hard for me to see how special it was. I always prayed that he would go on his own and that I wouldn't have to make any decisions. The kids were able to kiss him goodbye and tell them how much they loved him. He was lying on his blanket between Anthony and I in the truck, his favourite place to be. He didn't suffer and wasn't sick for days. Anthony and I both had our hands on him, telling him how much we loved him and what a good boy he was.

The days after he left us were some of the longest I've ever had, filled with sleepless nights, tears, questions, sadness. The house felt empty, and not having the routine of holding him, getting his food, checking his water, and tucking him became harder each day. We got Deegan from a lady named Bette. He was a retired show dog. We stayed close with Bette and her husband, Ken, for many years. When she passed away in 2018, a lady at her funeral tapped us on the shoulder and asked if we were Megan & Anthony. She told us how much we meant to Bette and how proud she was of the beautiful home we gave him. For some reason, I just had to find this lady to tell her about Deegan. Through an old post on Facebook post and an email Bette sent me years ago, I located Valerie. As I hoped, talking to her gave me comfort. We shared stories about our "sues" (I call all Shih Tzu's Sues) and talked about where I should look when our family was ready to welcome a new Furbaby.

Later that night, she told me of a friend who had an older male she was looking to place and even though it felt like it might have been too soon, I told her we were interested. Anthony and I met Bobby (Gus) a few days later, and the moment I saw him, I knew he was meant for us. I stood there holding him, looking at the sky swaying back and forth, feeling Deegan's approval from Heaven above. We arranged to pick him up the following week, and I couldn't wait to surprise the kids. However, a few days before we were supposed to get him, I started having second thoughts and told her we wouldn't be taking him after all. The second the email was sent, I felt regret, I told him we were coming back, and I could see him in our lives. After a week of feeling sorry for myself, praying, and waiting for a sign, I emailed her back and asked if she would consider us again, she must have thought I was completely crazy.

When Anthony picked him up, she said she was hoping we would change our minds and then it all felt evident that everything was happening just how it was supposed to. And I ended up learning something important about love, life, loss, and love after loss. Holding onto sadness and refusing happiness doesn't mean that I loved Deegan any less. Waiting for another fur baby even though Bobby (Gus) felt right to me didn't mean that I was trying to replace Deegan. I still miss Deegan and wish that my love for him could have kept him with me forever. But if you could see the joy Gus has brought into our home, I know you would know that this was the right path for our family. He is very different than our sweet Deegan. Wild with Kendall, Playful with Anthony, A trouble maker with Bennett, Obedient for Morgan, and Snuggly for me. He makes a mess, loves everyone, steals all the toys, and refuses to let me lay in bed when he's up and ready for his morning walk.

Gus brings a messy joy to our lives that we didn't know we needed. 💙🤍

Megan, xo

Bobby Gus